it's not a poem. I don't know what it is. bleah.

[molluscsandmonsters]

Bed to couch to couch to bed

is my daily routine

Bed to couch to couch to bed

is all I have to look forward to

Bed to couch to couch to bed

is probably the rest of my life

and it makes me

want to die, I think

 

I’m so, so tired

when I wake up and

I’m so, so tired

when I lie awake at night and

I’m so, so tired

for no reason

and too many reasons

and I have no idea what reason

 

When I have a little energy

I’ll clean something

When I have a little energy

I’ll think about taking a walk, but I won’t

When I have a little energy

I’ll play some online game

with a friend, if they’re around,

and they feel like it

 

I’ll check the news

and see who wants me dead this week

I’ll check the news

and see who wants all of us dead this week

I’ll check the news

and think I should be doing more

but I can’t do anything at all

even the things anyone can do

 

I’ll get a new job

I tell myself, lying

I’ll get a new job

at one of the three places in walking distance

I’ll get a new job

remote, safe, with no commute

and lose even that reason to leave

 

I’m so lucky

to not be where I was

I’m so lucky

to be safe and supported

I’m so lucky

and so selfish

and so outrageously stupid

 

My friends will say

if you need a ride somewhere just ask

My friends will say

on these days, at these times

My friends will say

if you tell me a week in advance

so it’s okay that you can’t drive,

and the bus doesn’t come here.

 

I’d dream of walking

in a random direction

I’d dream of walking

guiltless, fearless, free

I’d dream of walking

anywhere at all, forever

but I never sleep well

so I don’t dream much.